Thursday, May 30, 2013

I Passed the Test!!

    Once a year my husband travels for work for a week in May.  Last year I was an absolute wreck during the time he was gone.  I had just started my medication and counseling and was terrified at the thought of being alone with the kids for that length of time.  So....I went and stayed with my sister for a few days, which was a wise choice at the time. 

      As the dates loomed before me for this year, I noticed some of those old feelings coming back and I realized that I was feeling anxious about my husband leaving and I was afraid that I couldn't do it alone.  With my daughter's school schedule for the week, traveling was not an option.  Then I had an epiphany.  This was a test, if I could do this alone, for the four long days that my husband was going to be gone, then I could do anything.  If I could do this it would mean that this depression had lost and I have won.

     So....I was definitely put to the test.  I am very challenged when I don't get enough sleep, which is almost all the time, but I usually have backup in the wee hours.  My husband is a great help at night when the kids wake up.   I find that I lose my patience after awhile if I am woken up enough.  The first night Daddy was away, I settled into bed and then started hearing my daughter in the beginning stages of an asthma attack.  Her allergies have been terrible over the last few weeks.  So I got up and gave her a nebulizer treatment, which takes about twenty minutes or so.  Then she was fine for the rest of the night.  So I settled back into bed and then my son decided that he was not going to sleep at all.  He has been having nightmares lately and been waking up very upset and scared.  So I spent most of the first night up with him.  I felt like a zombie the next day.  Anne had school, and Matthew was in good spirits.  It ended up being a decent day.

     The second night, I had just drifted off to sleep and Anne woke up with a bad asthma attack.  So I had to get up around 2 am to give her another treatment.  I got her settled back down and went back to bed, and then fifteen minutes later she was in my bed terrified from a nightmare.  So we dozed on and off for awhile until Matthew woke up screaming with a nightmare.  I finally had them both calmed down and back in their own beds around 5 am.  That was a long night.

    I was very impressed with myself about how ambitious I was the next day.  We all took naps in the afternoon.  Then I packed everyone up, and we went off to get the kids haircuts then I took them out to dinner by myself, which I had never done before.  They were really good.  Then we went to evening church.  That was where I got the phone call from my husband that he was sick.  As it turns out pretty much his entire group contracted the Norovirus at the hotel he was staying at.  I got the kids home and in bed and spent most of the night on and off the phone with him trying to  figure out what was going on and how sick he was.  Initially we thought it was food poisoning.  I didn't sleep much that night worrying about him, although the kids slept fine.

    I kind of dragged though the last day, but we MADE it.  My husband came home just after midnight.  He was feeling much better.  Luckily his flight left mid afternoon so he had time to recover before getting on the plane.  Many of his colleagues were not so lucky and had very difficult journeys home.  

     I feel like I slipped back into some lazy and unmotivated routines for a couple of days after my husband returned, but then we all reset ourselves and got on with our lives.  The point is that I MADE it, I DID it.  I proved to myself that I can handle more than I thought I could handle.  In the end I learned that I need to raise my own expectations for myself.



The kids survived too!  Look....Happy faces!!


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Puppy Love



 I wanted a dog for my whole life.  My parents never let us have any pets.  They always said "five kids is enough."  Then I married this amazing guy, who was never a fan of what he calls "free range" animals.  I thought the day would come when my kids were older when I would have to beg, and negotiate to get a dog "for the kids".   I never thought I would actually be able to have a dog.  When I was in the midst of Postpartum Depression the thought never crossed my mind that I should get a dog, and believe me, I am not recommending that anyone who is struggling and not doing well with PPD add a pet to the family.  Bringing any new creature home into the family can add undue stress, whether intended or not.  My situation turned out to be MORE than ideal, all the pieces fit together beautifully, and our dog Okito, has changed our lives forever.  He is an incredible blessing in our house and has been instrumental in my recovery.  Here is our story.

This is Okito begging for Turkey on Thanksgiving.

 One day last summer my husband came to me and asked what I thought about getting a Labrador Retriever for the kids.  Apparently he had been thinking about it for awhile.  I was shocked.  I never thought I would hear those words out of his mouth.  He thought we should wait a few months, but we should do it soon.  Um...he just gave me permission to go for getting a dog.  I JUMPED ON IT IMMEDIATELY!  I was beyond excited, but had a nagging thought in my mind.  We thought we should get a puppy because we wanted the kids and dog to grow up together.  I was nervous.  I had never had a dog before and knew that I would love one, but had no idea how to go about training and potty training especially.  I was still struggling with potty training my 3 year old at that time!  This was the issue that scared me.  I was afraid the stress of training a puppy would be too much for me on top of dealing with everything else.

What did I do?  I called my younger sister Karen, the dog guru of the family.  She has three Great Danes and has fostered countless dogs.  She is also an animal control officer.  In my opinion, she is fantastic and knows everything there is to know about dogs. The only issue is that she is in Tennessee and we are in New York...minor detail.

Karen was beyond thrilled that we wanted a dog.  I told her that we wanted a Labrador.  Karen just happened to have a friend with a litter of black lab puppies that needed homes.  Then the answer came.  Karen and her wonderful husband Rory volunteered to choose a puppy for us and keep him for a couple of months and train him for us.  I was so relieved.  This was the answer to the ONLY concern I had about getting a dog.  Karen and Rory met the puppies and chose for us the gentlest of the bunch and took him home with them.  A few months later, last October, Karen brought Okito home to us.  He was five months old at the time.  We loved him immediately.  Everyone who has met him are in awe of how well behaved he is.  THANK YOU KAREN AND RORY!!!  He is so sweet and so gentle with my kids.

The kids hanging out with Okito, or "Bido" as my little Matthew calls him.

Now Okito is just a sweet, loving soul. He loves EVERYONE in our family and most everyone he meets.  But...every dog does have one human that he loves a bit more than everyone one else.  I am so blessed to be Okito's one!  There is no healing power like the unconditional love and adoration of a dog.  What Okito has done for me is beyond incredible.  He knows when I am having a bad day, and is always extra lovey just when I need him to be.  He is uber cuddly, even though he is huge.  I love snuggling up with him on the couch for a nap or some quiet time...it is so soothing to me.  He falls all over himself to greet me, even if I just left the house for five seconds.  And when my husband is working late, which is quite often, and the kids are in bed, I am never lonely because Okito is always there.

He has provided the extra push that I have needed to get myself and the kids out in the fresh air more often.  We play in the backyard and go for walks almost every day.  I have lost weight without even trying just from walking the dog and the kids.

I love watching him with my kids.  I love watching them bond.  I love their belly laughs when he acts goofy or jumps in the puddles when we are out walking.   I just love his gentle, soothing soul.  He is an angel in disguise and I thank God for him every day.
I love moments like this!  This is one of my favorite pictures ever!
I love my Okito Burrito