I have been wanting to write for awhile now, but it has been hard for me. This depression has changed me. It has changed how I process things, and I think even how deeply I feel things. I am more guarded about putting my emotions out there then I used to be. This is the careful walk I walk to keep myself from going over the edge.
I am generally a glass half full kind of girl. I always see the positive in things, I can help other people see the positive in things. But the world is so DARK. So many terrible things have happened, and are happening. So I haven't written in a while. I had to spend some time really thinking things through and processing my thoughts.
The truth is there is are a lot of bad things happening in this small world of ours. Some of these things we hear about and some of the things we don't. Some things seem small, and others seem so big that there can't possibly be a positive solution to the problem. I think we all need to remind ourselves that the bad stuff is not the only stuff that is happening. Our world is run by the media these days, the news outlets and social media. Stories get shared and spread across the globe like wildfire. One of the big problems that I have noticed is that not all of the information being spread is actually true. I don't believe everything I read online, but I am afraid that there are other people who do.
The Paris Terrorist attack happened, and the world got all riled up. But the world also didn't notice very similar attacks going on in Lebanon and Nigeria. The fact is violence is happening all over the world and all of the time and has since the beginning of time. That is the part that I have to remind myself of. The world seems so dark right now because of the speed in which the news travels, and what is chosen to be shared. It isn't just Radical Muslims committing these crimes. There are people competing for power all over the world committing atrocities in the name of whatever they believe is right. War and violence have always existed unfortunately. Then there is just the general bad stuff going on here in the United States. Mass shootings all the time. Violence is everywhere, from smaller domestic incidents to incidents like the one that happened this week in California. There are more mass shootings in the US than anywhere else in the world. That is pretty sad.
Then there is just the general selfishness and greed in the world, and the judgement and the hate. If you doubt this exists, go to Facebook and pick any general public site that holds some kind of news story and you will see people just ripping other people to shreds with their hurtful and judgemental comments. This type of stuff just breaks my heart. Fear and Hate cannot be allowed to win. The refugee crisis is a perfect example of this. People are up in arms and don't want to allow people who desperately need help to come here because they are afraid that they are all terrorists, yet we Americans are literally killing each other every day anyway. It is true that only a very small fraction of the mass shootings in the United States have been committed by Muslims. Most of the time it is just an everyday, average American. Everyone who knows them are always shocked that they could commit such acts.
This is the simple conclusion that I have come to. We are all human beings and we all have the capacity to grow up and do great things for others, and we all have to capacity to grow up and do hurtful and murderous things to others. America grows people just as capable of committing violence as any other nation in the world.
After the Paris Attacks happened I did two things: First I intervened when my kids were just being generally terrible and mean to each other and I told them this "We all have a choice to be kind or be mean, every single day, in every situation. I want you to always try to choose to be kind, even when someone else is not kind to you." I have stressed this with them over and over again. The second thing I did was make a more conscious effort to do what I always try to do. I felt so helpless after the attacks, when I was reading all the hate and fear on the internet, and feeling completely unable to do anything about the darkness that felt like it was taking over the whole world. So I pulled myself back into my own circle, of my own family and friends. This was the world I could touch, so I did. I try to always show love and support whenever I can, but I purposely found more ways that week, and I am still trying to do just that. I am trying to do things to show love to whoever I can, whenever I can.
I think about the Apostle Paul a lot. It says in the Bible that he had some kind of affliction that was chronic and very bothersome to him. We don't know exactly what this was. He repeatedly asks God to lift this affliction from him and God tells him no. I have asked God the same question over and over about this Depression that I still struggle with on a daily basis. I want so much to be free of it. I try to remember that it has changed me. God laid this answer on my heart in the wee hours this morning. He said "I made you to be empathetic and encouraging." I sat with that for a bit. I realized that my own personal struggles have made me able to feel things so deeply when others are struggling, but it has also made me more aware when others are struggling. There have been times that this has allowed me to pick up on a situation that someone else is dealing with, that others might not notice, and I have been able to offer support and encouragement. This depression has been many things for me. It has been hard, it has been exhausting and it still continues to be EVERY SINGLE DAY. But it has also been a gift. Through this darkness that I struggle with, I have been able to bring tiny bits of light to this world. Why would I want to change that?
I have vowed to try to stop reading comments on things on line, to stop reading negative news stories and seek out positive stories. There are good things happening in this world every day. There are hearts all over the world full of love and cheerful giving, through small acts or big ones. Tiny bits of light all over the world. Love is the only thing that will drive out the darkness. So be mindful of that. When you are online be careful of what you post. Don't post things driven by fear or hate. Don't be judgmental. As Thumper says in Bambi, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Choose to spread Light and Love, choose to be Kind. It will make the world better.
