I wanted to take some time to let you know something. You fight a good fight, and lately you have won a few battles, but guess what? You are not going to win the war. You might sneak into my thoughts and prey on my insecurities and make me doubt myself, my Faith and my ability to mother. Some days are harder than others to push you back, but I always do. It's been 3 1/2 years and you haven't won me yet. You aren't going to. I am stronger than you are, I have too much to live for, too much to fight for. Let me just remind you (and myself) of what I have that you are not going to get.
I have my God. No matter what kind of day I have, or how far I wander, He isn't going any where, and He will always take me back. Whatever confusion and questions and doubts I have, He and I will work them out, and you aren't getting in there. You can try, but you won't succeed.
I have this guy:
I waited around for most of my adult life for him. I spent a lot of lonely years before I found him. Then I did. Our life together hasn't been easy. We face constant challenges and struggles. We have bad days, bad moments, but we have more good days and spectacular moments. I miss that sometimes in the dark moments. You sneak in there. Then I make mistakes. I worry that I am failing him. But guess what? You can't take what we have. He loves me. He will fight this fight with me, and he isn't going anywhere.
I have this girl:
She can drive me absolutely crazy. She is stubborn and dramatic and JUST LIKE ME!. She is AMAZING. Look at her! She EXUDES light. She has the gift of happiness. She has an amazing imagination and creative spirit. She has a kind and loving heart. You can't have her. She is my rainbow baby. She is the light of my life. I will fight for her with everything in me. And when she is older and I explain all of this to her, she will understand what it is to have a Warrior Spirit. She will know how to fight, and you will never take her.
I have this boy:
He has a quiet stubborness and a wild energy. He is also snuggly, and charming, and so sweet. And look at THOSE DIMPLES. My sweet boy is my heart. You can't have him either. He will fill this world with light and love and those adorable dimples. He will melt hearts where ever he goes. Darkness can't get into melted hearts.
Then I have this guy:
Whenever I feel disconnected from the world, from God, from my family, when you get in there and I just can't feel anything...this pup is there. He looks at me with those eyes filled with love and devotion and reminds me what unconditional love is. He soothes my spirit, and fills me back up with light and love. You can't have him, no way can you get in there. This waggly, lovey, has eyes only for me puppy is the biggest barrier against the darkness that I have. He always brings me back.
So you can keep trying. You will bring me down sometimes, you do pack a pretty powerful punch, but with these four in my corner, plus my supportive family and friends and my God. Let's face it, you don't have a chance. So I guess the choice is yours. You can admit defeat and move on, or you can wear yourself out trying. You aren't going to get me, I have too many reasons not to let you win and I will fight you to the end.
Sincerely,
Me
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