Why don't we talk about it?

It's funny the things that we think that we need to keep to ourselves.  I understand that there are times when something is too painful to speak of, I have definitely been there...but when the pain starts to ease a bit, why do we still keep it a secret?  Are we embarrassed?  Do we think that no one will understand?  Are we afraid that people will think we are weak?  The most important thing that I have learned from sharing my pain is that I am not alone in it, and great comfort comes from knowing that there are other people who really understand what I am feeling.   There is no greater hope for the future than knowing that someone else has been there and survived it.

Seven months before I got pregnant with my daughter, I had a miscarriage.  It was the single most devastating experience of my life.  For awhile I couldn't talk about it.  I was in a deep depression for several months.  I felt like I was in a trance.  I honestly don't know what I did on a day to day basis during that time of my life.  But I did survive it.  Sometimes I think that the only reason I did was because of my dear friend (and I hope she knows who she is).  I had just recently found out only weeks before my miscarriage that a good friend had had one too before she had her first child.  So when I was broken hearted and felt like no one understood at all, I reached out to her.  I remember her words to me so clearly.  She said "Don't worry Laura, by this time next year you will have a little baby or a big belly."  I held on to those words during the hardest days.  Now I am not repeating what she said to suggest that another child replaces that one who is lost.  I will always miss the baby that I lost and wonder what she would have been like, but my friends' words gave me hope for the future, that I would someday be able to be a mother to a child on this earth, like I had always dreamed of.

Some time after my loss, I started talking about it...and guess what?  I could not believe the number of women who came forward and shared stories of their own loss.  It seems that once someone talks about it, it makes it easier for others to come forth.  Ladies, we need to be an army of support for each other.  There is no reason to grieve alone, I promise you there is someone in your life who understands what you are going through and wants to help.

The same is true with PPD.  The more I talk about it the more women I find who have been through it, and some of them didn't even realize it at the time.  Talk about it ladies, find support for yourself and support other women.  Nothing makes someone feel more alone than depression.  You feel like you are doing everything wrong and that no one could possibly understand.  But people do understand.  I understand and so do countless other women.  Let's own it, talk about it, deal with it, grow from it, and become stronger because of it!

A dream realized.