Moms feel guilty all the time, let's admit it. We feel guilty when we yell at our kids, we feel guilty when we discipline them, we feel guilty when they are sick and so on and so on.
We also feel guilty when we leave our children. This is especially true for Moms' suffering from PPD. For some of us, it is really hard to leave our kids because we already feel like awful mothers most of the time. For me, I felt bad about leaving my kids, but I was also walking around with such a foggy brain that I couldn't think of a reason to go out of the house by myself, except for an occasional trip to Target.
When I started to go to doctor visits and counseling for my treatment, I realized how much easier it was to focus on what was going on with myself and what I needed to work on when I went alone. Then counseling became AMAZING when I realized that for an hour a week, I could talk about whatever I needed to talk about without anyone or any crisis interrupting me!
My husband is self employed and I am home with the kids. There are times where his schedule requires him to be gone multiple evenings a week, so I am doing wake up to bedtime with the kids alone three or four nights a week. This was the case when I was at the height of my depression. I wasn't getting much time to myself at all. My husband would have an occasional, rare chance to go out with his friends and I would encourage him to do so, because he was working so hard, but I was secretly envious, wishing that I had something fun to go and do with my friends...but I could never think of anything that sounded exciting enough to actually do.
I do have pockets of the day that I do hoard for myself. After I feed my kids lunch I put them to bed, and then I watch General Hospital while I eat my lunch alone. For a Mom to be able to eat a meal alone is always a gift! However this is becoming more challenging as my three year old no longer naps and it is getting harder and harder to get her to stay in her room for 45 minutes in the afternoon. So I take what I can get. My kids are usually out at bedtime pretty quickly, So evenings I do take some time for myself to watch a sappy movie or read a good book, and cuddle with my dog and try to wind down from the day.
When I started feeling a little better my counselor began encouraging me to find more time for myself. Initially I felt selfish even considering it, and frustrated that I couldn't think of anything "good" to do. I was able to set up a couple of dinner dates with friends, which was great, but challenging to align schedules. Then I discovered the joy of Panera Bread and a good book. So after my late afternoon counseling sessions I go to Panera and enjoy a quiet meal alone, while reading a good book. Sometimes I run errands alone afterwards, and when I get home my fantastic husband has my kids fed and in bed already. There have also been some days where I have snuck out to the library for a couple of hours. The best thing about these little Mommy trips is that I feel so rejuvenated and so glad to see my kids when I get back. I get the Mommy I missed you hugs, which are the BEST. My husband realizes the importance of this and encourages me to go out by myself whenever he can, so if I don't have counseling that week, he makes sure I have another opportunity to go out. Love my guy!!!
So if you don't regularly take time for yourself, I encourage you to try it. A refreshed Mommy is much more able to enjoy her little ones. If you can't think of anything to do, I encourage you to try your favorite restaurant and a good book. Any Mom knows what a treat it is to be able to enjoy some good food without constant interruption or complaining from the kids.
This weekend I am about to embark on something I have NEVER tried before. After my son was born when he was around six months and my depression was bad, my daughter went to stay with my parents for a few days. She had the TIME of her life being doted on by Grandma and Grandpa. I missed her like crazy, but it was a good break for both of us. I still had my son with me that time, because I was breastfeeding and I wasn't ready to let him go yet. Those of you who are regular readers know that I recently found out my daughter is allergic to our cats. One of my cats went to live with my sister's family a few weeks ago. This weekend I am taking my other cat to Maryland to meet my friend from North Carolina who will be adopting my kitty. My kids will be staying with my parents because my husband has to work. I have never been away from both kids overnight before. I am looking forward to the trip and having some girlfriend time, although I am sad about letting my kitty go. I got some audio books for the long drive and am looking forward to some time of quiet reflection I hope that you can find some quiet time for yourselves as well. Have a great weekend :o)
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