My Vices Three!

    I have had this entry in my head to write for a LONG time....so finally I am writing it...and what better time to post it than the time for New Years Resolutions.  During my struggle with Postpartum Depression there are ALWAYS things that I want to change or that I wish I could do differently.  If I focused on all the things that I want to do or change, like diet and exercise, and things with my kids....well I could write a list that could last all the way through the new year.    So I decided it is best to focus on a few things at a time, and make myself really AWARE of these things and focus on changing those things...and when I have these issues well in hand, I can choose something else to work on.  So I chose my vices three....the issues that have become the most intertwined with my depression, to work on changing, even if the change is slow.

VICE NUMBER ONE:  NAPS!

    I am always tired.  The depression can make me feel more tired and less motivated.  Sleepless nights with kids can make me more tired.  Sleepless nights with my dreams can make me more tired.  My medication can make me more tired.  All of these reasons are very good reasons to take a nap.  And there are times, when my husband is home where a two hour nap upstairs alone in my bed can positively impact my mood for days.  But the bad naps have the opposite effect on my mood.  Any nap I try to take in the afternoon on the couch while home with my kids is a bad nap.  The only good thing about it is the puppy snuggle part.  I get annoyed with the kids for being loud, or not taking naps themselves.  Once I lay down I don't want to get up until I feel like my need for sleep has been satisfied, but it never is.  These attempts at naps put me in a bad place.  A place where I am completely unmotivated to restart my day or to do anything fun with the kids.  They only make me wish for bedtime.  So I am trying to give these up.  I have been doing pretty well with them, while still enjoying an occasional real nap.  Some days the desire does over power me and I fall into the trap though, and I ALWAYS regret it afterwards.  It happened just yesterday in fact.  I find my day goes much better if I find a way to focus my time that does not involve naps.  I try to remind myself of this when I get super tired and the urge to lie down is overwhelming.

VICE NUMBER TWO:  CHOCOLATE

Okay I have a weakness for sweets, especially chocolate.  I NEED it to get through most days.  But I  have no self control when it comes to chocolate and I always eat more than I should.  Last year I got a lecture from my doctor because my cholesterol was too high.  So I did manage to stick to making a few small changes over the past year that actually worked, my cholesterol was down 30 points at my checkup this year and I don't have to go on medication!  YAY!  What it boils down to is self control. When I am feeling really depressed, all I want to do is eat sweet chocolate or chocolate chip cookies.  It makes me feel so much better in that moment.  In the long run, we know it is okay in moderation, but I have real trouble toeing the line between moderation and over indulgence.  I will let you know how this all turns out.  I have been doing well with my after lunch sweets.  I usually can get by with a smallish piece of dark chocolate.  It is the night time that gets me....the most stressful time of day is mid afternoon to kids' bedtime.  After they are in bed, especially on the nights my husband is not home....I eat...mostly too much.  This is my vice, and I have to work on it....for my own good!  But I can't give up chocolate and sweets completely....so the struggle continues.

VICE NUMBER THREE:  FACEBOOK

I love Facebook.  It has been such a lifeline for me, especially during my depression and dealing with my daughter's food allergy.  It has helped me to feel connected with the outside world and given me a way to communicate with cherished friends when I just need to talk.  I can clearly see the benefits it has in my life.  Especially the way it can allow me to share this blog and be a support to other struggling Mamas.  BUT, I am on Facebook way too much....so it comes down to figuring out how to draw a line again and sticking with it.  I am on too much in the evening which affects my marriage and I am on too much during the day which affects my time with my kids.  So I really need to work on this.  I need to come up with a schedule that works, that allows me to get the benefits of Facebook without succumbing to it completely.  I will let you know how this works out.

So my New Years Resolutions are to start attacking my VICES THREE.  It will be a process and a journey....but success here will just bring me closer to the light.  I will let you know how it goes.

Merry Christmas Everyone!  And Happy New Year!  May the season bring you joy and light!