Ugh! Here comes 2014!

First of all...I hope that all my readers had a wonderful Christmas Season.  The two cherubs pictured above certainly had a magical and wonderful time.  Christmas with a two and four year old is just FUN!  Anne was old enough to remember the previous Christmas and get herself and her brother all excited about this Christmas.  We went from years of it taking all morning to opening presents to having it done in fifteen minutes flat.  It took way longer to get everything out of the packages and put together than it did for the kids to open everything.


How was Christmas for me?  The day itself was perfect and magical....although I was definitely ready for a nap by early afternoon.  The weeks leading up to Christmas had this Mama a little bit stressed.  For a while I was wondering if I could pull the whole thing off.  From handmade Christmas cards to fulfilling the kids' Christmas wishes, to decorating all of the trees (Ours and both sets of grandparents), and making Christmas cookies, I honestly didn't think I could do it.  At one point my husband and I took a step back and decide to divide and conquer and simplify.  And I did pull it off in the end.  I was happy that it was so great for the kids

I am ALWAYS into Christmas in my head.  I love how magical it can be.  I love the REASON for the season and celebrating Jesus' birth.  I love the family togetherness and the giving.  But I will admit, this year I had a tough time getting into Christmas emotionally.  I am grateful for the snapshots of time during the season that I was able to get into it for awhile.  I had times when I could focus on Christmasy tasks and having fun with the kids. 

I had a blast making cookies with them....and I was glad I did it, because at one point I was thinking that I would rather do pretty much anything else than make cookies.  I simplified it by buying Pillsbury sugar cookie dough and frosting.  By the time we were finished there was literally flour and sprinkles EVERYWHERE!  It was well worth it, it ended up being one of the best times I had during the season.

Let's face it, the new medications I am on just aren't cutting it.  I spent part of the weeks before Christmas not feeling well on top of it.  My fingers have been showing signs of arthritis for several months and then suddenly I was feeling pain and cracking in all of my joints.  It was pretty bad for several days and I actually ended up getting tested for Rhuematoid Arthritis.  Thankfully the test was negative and after some time I started feeling much better.  Now aside from my fingers and wrists, the rest of my joints seem to be okay.  I must have just had a virus or something.  It was a bit stressful for a week or so though, thinking that I might have to be dealing with yet another chronic condition. And of course, being in physical pain does not steer one towards warm and happy feelings.  But...we got through it and everything seems to be okay for the time being....accept for the medications not being up to par.  That is really starting to frustrate me. 

We are dealing with health care drama right, trying to get signed up for a new plan.  Being self employed, we had insurance through my husband through the state's insurance for individuals and sole proprietors.  When the new health care laws went into effect, we received a letter from our current insurance provider stating that as of December 31, 2013 our plan will no longer be covering individuals and sole proprietors and that we would have to sign up through the health care exchange.  After weeks of worry and drama it does seem that it will actually work out in our favor, BUT we still haven't been signed up for a new plan yet.  I am praying it will all work out in the end.  We have done everything we can for the moment we are just waiting for approval so we can actually select a plan.  There is a huge backlog of people trying to get signed up so it could take a couple more weeks before we are in the clear.  Through all this I am thankful that my kids are covered by an excellent plan and it is only my husband and I that we need to worry about.  However, we both have health issues, so we need to be covered.  The waiting game is frustrating for sure.

Right after Christmas both the kids and I came down with a cold, so even though the whole joint thing was way better, I was feeling pretty crappy for a few days.  And I was PMSing at the time too, which always wreaks havoc with my mood.  So PMS, plus head cold, plus sick kids, plus feeling depressed does not equal good times.    I spent three days feeling like this:

See me in there?  All I really wanted to do was sleep for a couple of days without anyone to bother me!  But Daddy was working and the kids were always around, so I didn't get much sleep at all.  But...I got through it, again. 

Now it is New Years Eve.  I plan on putting the kids to bed and curling up on the couch and watching Marley and Me with my Puppy Love. My husband will be working, which is fine, there is NO WAY I am staying up until midnight anyway.

So I have been struggling lately for sure.  I have been hoping that the meds would be working better by this point, but they aren't.  I have another Doctor's appointment in two weeks so hopefully we will figure something else out to try.  Even the worst lately has not been as bad as the worst overall, but it is still frustrating because things were fine, until I was forced into a med change that I didn't want, because the stuff that was working was too expensive.  Motivation is hard, especially for stuff that I already don't like doing....like cooking and cleaning the bathroom....and folding endless piles of laundry.  I am letting the kids watch more tv than I should and we have been pretty cooped up, with the head colds and the nasty weather, and my general lack of motivation.  Anne is out of school for almost two weeks which really messes with our routine and also leads to us going out less than we normally would.  I am feeling a little trapped within myself these days.  I am not going to let it beat me though.  Yesterday I actually cleaned the bathroom and the rest of the house and caught up on all the laundry (including the folding and putting away).  Today I went grocery shopping alone and am working on menu planning for the next month or so.  If I have a plan laid out it is a bit easier to deal with the cooking.  I tend to do four or five weeks at a time, because there is no way I would sit down and do it every week.  The plan makes cooking and shopping way easier. 

Tomorrow starts a new year.  I have all sorts of ideas in my head of how I would like aspects of my life to be.  I am going to be working on My Vices Three (see my last entry).  I realize that change needs to come slowly and that I can't put too much pressure on myself.  Especially when I am in the state I am in currently.  There is hope that with our new health care plan that I might be able to go back on my old meds....but I can't count on that, and I won't.  I will figure out how to cope with things as they are.  I will work on setting up more playdates and getting out of the house more often.  Anne goes back to school on Friday and I have some lovely scrapbooking projects that I can work on and a couple of books to read....I also am planning on instituting a game night once a week with my hubby and watching a bit less tv.  That has nothing to do with the new year, just something we were planning on doing once the craziness of the holidays were over.

For now, my dear readers, I wish you all a Blessed and Happy New Year!  May 2014 be better for all of us!