Revelations

Photo by Maria McNeil Photography

     My husband Joe and I recently celebrated our 7th Wedding Anniversary.  So much has happened in 7 years, it is pretty unbelievable when I stop and think about it.  In that time I left my job, we started a business, ended a business and Joe started a new business.  We lost a baby and had two more and we....as a family unit, have been dealing with my postpartum depression turned chronic depression for two years.

    The week of our Anniversary Joe and I attended a conference called the Art of Marriage at our church.  I went into it thinking that we had a pretty good marriage, but sure that there was something we would get out of the conference.  There had to be something that we could improve.  All I can say is WOW.  That conference was an incredible wake up call for me.  It has a been a long two years, but I failed to see what an impact that my depression has had on my marriage.  I knew that it had affected other relationships in my life.  I lost friends, built stronger relationships with friends I already had and have made many new friends because of my depression.  How did I never stop to think about how it was impacting my marriage?

     Don't get me wrong, my husband is amazing.  He has been wonderful and supportive during this whole journey and he still is.  I can honestly say I would not be where I am now without him.  He is my rock.  The revelation that I had was how much my depression has affected our intimacy, and I have been working so hard to stay positive and get through each day that I never stopped to think about it.

     Now when I say intimacy people automatically think I mean "in the bedroom".  Sure that is part of  it, but that is not what true intimacy is about.  Joe and I started thinking about the time we spend together and how different it is now than it used to be.  Before kids we went out on dates all the time, now it is a rare occurence, mostly due to financial constraints and Joe's crazy work schedule.  We either hire a babysitter or we go out...so unless the grandparents are available to babysit, we don't go out.  But we used to do other things instead.  We used to have game nights, we used to talk more.

    The conference made us realize how tired we are...and how hard we have to work just to get through every day.  There have been so many days that I have just pushed through to survive until the kids are in bed and then I am done.  I have nothing left at that point.  There are so many days where Joe is working until well after the kids are in bed.  Somewhere along the way, without even realizing it, we forgot to hang out with each other.  Our idea of hanging out is eating chocolate chip cookies and sitting in front of the television.  An intimate evening is when we watch an episode of Little House on the Prairie instead of just whatever is on tv.  I also realized that I spend too much precious time on the computer (mostly Facebook) that I could be spending with him.

    So we came to some conclusions, and we are trying....we have a long way to go.  I have been struggling with some medication changes really affecting my mood as we are trying to do better.   We are trying to turn the TV off a little more often.  We are going to bed earlier some nights just so we can talk.  We have been planning on reinstituting game night, but that has not happened yet.  I am looking forward to more DATES and game nights in the new year, and more time just to be together.  I am trying to pull myself away from the computer more, and be more present with my family.  This can be difficult on the hard days.  I have also done a lot of work to make the main rooms of our house more cozy and inviting.  That is a main part of the reason that game nights haven't happened yet.  It has been a lot of work.

     The most important thing that we vowed to do is pull Christ into the center of our marriage.  This has been a bit of a challenge because we simply are not used to it...but that is the one goal that we are working on the hardest right now.  We pray together almost every night and morning now.  Now that is intimacy.  Neither of us have ever really prayed in front of anyone before.  So we are trying.  We have a strong love for each other and really want to get back what has been missing.  So, we are working on removing the obstacles and taking steps to work on things individually that are affecting us as a couple....so if you see me on Facebook a bit less, especially in the evenings....you will know why.  I am working on being less selfish....which is hard for me, especially when I am feeling really depressed.  I know how lucky I am to have the incredible husband that I have.  I really want to work on being the wife that he deserves.  It is just one more part of the Journey.  I love my Joe.

I Don't Have PPD anymore.....

Photo by Maria McNeil Photography

      My precious little boy is sitting on my lap right now, chattering away.  Sometimes I just have to stop and soak him in, my little sweet, snuggly boy.  His sister is asking him to play and he is saying that he wants to stay with Mommy.  So, until he is ready to run off and play, I will snuggle him while he is willing to be snuggled.  He is the one that started me on this journey two years ago.  My postpartum depression started when he was five months old.  As hard as these two years have been, having him has been wonderful.  I am so in love with the little boy on my lap, I wouldn't trade him for anything, I gladly embrace the struggles that brought him into my life.  His name is Matthew, which means "Gift of God", and he is.

     I had my yearly physical with my General Practitioner the other day.  We discussed how my medication change has been going.  When I last wrote a blog entry, I shared that the medication change was not going well and that I was feeling pretty rotten.  I called my doctor after I wrote the entry and had a good talk with her.  She increased the dosage of my new medication and that helped almost immediately.  By the next day I was feeling much better.  For the most part I have been doing better during the day, but nighttime has been a challenge.  My dreams have  been a problem for me my whole life, but mostly they are just weird.  I very rarely have nightmares, most of my dreams aren't even about me.  I usually feel that I am just on the set of some really weird movie.  I often wake up wondering what strangeness is going on in my head, but other than leaving me tired, my dreams usually have little effect on me.  However, since I started my new medication my dreams have changed.  I have been having really emotional dreams related to my own life that cause me to wake up from the dreams with those emotions still attached.  They are never pleasant emotions either, usually sadness or other stressful feelings.   This has had a huge effect on how my day starts off and my overall emotions.  I discussed a few options with my doctor.  She said that this change in dreams is because of the medication.  We decided to try a new medication combination that should alleviate this problem.  Of course this change will take time and will eventually result in me taking less of my current medication with more of the new medication.  I have accepted the fact that it is going to take time to get back to where I need to be, back to how I was feeling a few months ago.  I have a follow up appointment with my doctor in 6 weeks and hopefully no more changes will be needed after this.  So that is the update on how I am doing.

     While I was with my doctor I asked her something that I have been wondering about.  This medication change has made it very clear to me that my depression is still a huge issue that impacts my daily life.   I asked her when it stops being considered Postpartum Depression.  She told me that after two years it isn't considered Postpartum Depression anymore, it is considered Chronic Depression.  She told me that it doesn't matter what it is called the treatment is the same.   She also assured me that there is hope that it won't stay with me forever (believe me there are many days where I wonder about that).    She said as my kids get older it will get easier and as my hormones continue to change that can help too.  So that is where I am.  I am one of those women whose Postpartum Depression did not go away.  I am now considered to have Chronic Depression.  Wow.  I knew this was the case, but actually processing and accepting this fact has been interesting.  The thought doesn't scare me as it has in the past.  I can certainly manage this....most days.  I have learned many coping skills and I have an amazing doctor that is very knowledgeable about depression and medications.  She is also pretty much always available if I need her and very supportive of me.  I know that I am lucky to have a doctor like her.  I am not thrilled about the prospect of taking medication for the long term...but I am also very grateful that I have that as an option.  Medication has improved my quality of life tremendously. 

   This is the conclusion I have come to with the revelation that I have Chronic Depression.   My depression is a part of me, a part of my life journey, but it will not define me.  If I didn't have this depression, I would also not have many things in my life that I consider blessings (like my son!).  When I get frustrated with having to deal with the depression, I try to remind myself that God knows what he is doing, and that this is part of his plan for more reasons than I could possibly imagine.  After all, everybody has some kind of struggle that they have to deal with.  So I will take my journey and try to use it for His glory the best that I can, because I know that he is always with me.

Keeping it Real...

It has been about five weeks since I had to switch my medication.  It was tough at first, the going off one and starting up the other, but after about two weeks it started to even out...and I felt pretty good for a week.  Now....not so much.

I try not to post when I am in the "depths of despair" as my favorite heroine Anne of Green Gables would say.  The purpose of this blog is to let other Mamas know that they are not alone and that they can get through this....there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.  But it is also important to tell the truth...this is just how it is.  My Journey to the Light has been going on for a year and 10 months now....and I still have not gotten there.  That is just the way it is.  I don't know how long it is going to take me to get there, or if I ever will.

Here is where it stands.  I can cope better now that I used to be able to cope.  I can see the signs better.  My husband sees the signs and knows when I need extra support...but it is still there.  This medication change has not gone as well as I hoped it would.  It seemed okay for a little while, but the last week or so has been really hard. I have been waking up almost every morning with that "heavy", sad feeling in my chest.  Some days I have been able to shake it as the day goes on, most days I have not been able to.  Yesterday was especially brutal.  I was able to meet my "responsibilities".  I got Anne out to school on time and I picked her up on time....I did some cleaning and bathed the dog and even made a healthy crockpot dinner.  But it was gorgeous out yesterday....sunny and 65%....in NOVEMBER, and I could not pull myself together to take the kids and the dog outside.  All I kept thinking was that I was that I am never going to beat this.

Today I am tired, I am tired of the fight.  I am beyond irritated that circumstances demanded that I switch medications.  The old stuff was working just fine, thank you very much!!!  If it ain't broke, don't fix it!  Now I am in exactly in the situation that I feared when the switch happened.  I am sleeping terribly, my dreams have intensified greatly and I am waking up all the time throughout the night.  So I start the day tired, and depressed and just try to get through it.  BUT, I am tired of just trying to get through it.  I am ready to be done, to be myself again.  It is frustrating to have days where I use all the tools in my arsenal and I still can't win.  My husband was awesome yesterday, as he most always is.  He came home from work and sent me out of the house for awhile, so I took my book to Panera.  I felt better while I was reading my book.  I escaped the world for a bit, but it didn't last.  Still, it felt good to get out. 

Today has been a teeny bit better.  My MOPS group met today so I got out again....one kid is actually napping this afternoon which NEVER happens.  I tried to nap too, which is all that I want to do lately...but the other kid didn't allow for it to happen, so I had to settle for puppy snuggles from my awesome dog. 

I think that I need to increase the dose of my new medication.  I am hoping that will help the situation, but I worry that it may intensify my dreams even more and leave me more exhausted, which just leaves me more susceptible to feeling down.  I have a phone call in to my doctor, I am just waiting for a response, knowing it could take a day or two.  I have a doctor's appointment with her in two weeks, but I thought it better not to wait that long if I can start getting myself together sooner.  I HATE having to rely on medication, but I am so thankful that it helps me to be me.  I just want to feel like myself again.

So...how do I cope when it is this bad?  The first thing I do is communicate the details of how I am feeling with my husband.  He has been there with me through all of this and is super supportive.  It is important to tell him EXACTLY how bad I am feeling so he knows the level of support I need.  Second, I try to take some time for myself, like my few hours out last night.  Third, I talk to close friends about what is going on...the extra Mommy support is imperative.  Fourth....I give myself lots of stuff to do, cleaning, creative projects....painting rooms, whatever I can come up with.  I am working on some Christmas ideas now and getting ready to paint the two main rooms of our house which desperately need a face lift.  Fifth....I try really, really, hard not to feel guilty about "not doing enough" as a Mom.  I take care of my kids, give them lots of love and try to forgive myself for not doing as much fun stuff as I would like to do with them.  Sixth....and most important...is to communicate with my doctor about what is going on.  She is awesome and I am sure will have some answers on how to deal with this.  If she doesn't get the message that I left her today, I will be sure to call her back tomorrow.  And lastly....I know I need to wait this out....this too shall pass and it will not last forever.

Hang in there Mamas...sometimes all we have to do is remember that we are stronger than we feel like we are some days.

It is still there....

I have been maintaining very well for a months now, on the right dose of the right medication.  I finished up therapy, and have been keeping myself pretty busy.  I have still had my "dips" on a monthly basis.  I have been able to recognize the pattern.  I know I am going to have 3 to 4 bad days a month, and I also know that every few months I am going to have an extra bad  month which will be 6 or 7 bad days.  I can deal with this because I know what to expect.  But it has also left me wondering:  Is the depression still there?  Is what I am experiencing merely hormonal shifts?  How long do I need to stay on the medication?  Since I have only felt well controlled for about 8 months or so, I haven't felt ready to "take the plunge" and go off the medication.

Then life threw me an unexpected twist to let me know where I REALLY stand.  I don't have prescription coverage, but the county that I live in gives a prescription card out to ALL of its' residents.  This has been great for my family, but the catch is that it only covers generic medication.  I have been on Cymbalta for my depression.  Initially we tried Zoloft, but that didn't work as well as I needed and I had some issues with side effects.  The Cymbalta has been wonderful since we found the right dosage for me.  The only side effect that I have had to deal with has been some fatigue.  However, Cymbalta does not have a generic.  My doctor's office has been providing me with samples for about a year.  The office has recently stopped receiving samples.  The cost of the medication is way too high for my family to afford on a monthly basis.  So I was faced with the choice to go off medication all together or switch to another antidepressant.  This was really not a choice that I wanted to make.  I was completely happy with the predictable way things were going and how well my current medication was working. 

I really felt that I wasn't ready to go off medication and I was concerned about stopping cold turkey anyway.  My pharmacist (who is really wonderful) gave me some advice and I called my doctor and made an appointment.  Now, my GP is absolutely fabulous.  I could not ask for a better, more understanding doctor.  She saw me pretty much right away.  She said that they are no longer getting samples of Cymbalta because it is going generic at some point in the future and it is not cost effective for the company to give out samples any more.  However we can't wait for it to go generic, who knows how long that will be.  We had a long talk, discussed my options and the symptoms that I am still experiencing.  We made the decision to switch to Fluoxetine.  My GP felt that because I am still experiencing depressive symptoms on a regular basis that I needed to stay on a stronger medication as close in structure to the Cymbalta as possible.  Sigh...the big concern with this medication is that it is a hard one to come off of.  I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. 

So I am one week into the medication switch as of today....I am weaning off the Cymbalta while starting the Fluoxetine.  And it is definitely still there.  I have been feeling my depressive symptoms returning as I am weaning off the Cymbalta.   I know I have to be patient through this change, and I did expect that this would happen.  It will take time for the Fluoxetine to build up in my system enough to start to work, and I may need a higher dose of it.  But you know, I just don't want to deal with this again.  I don't want to have to struggle to get through the day.  I have been there and done that, and I feel like I have put in my time already!  I just have to try to keep myself busy and wait this out, but it isn't easy, and it certainly is not fun.  The next few weeks are not going to be a picnic for sure...

This experience is clearly answering my question as to whether or not I am ready to go off the medication.  The answer to that question is a resounding NO.  Now I am left with another question....is it still PPD or am I starting to head down the road of chronic major depression?  I guess the answer to that question doesn't really matter.  I can't look too far into the future with this.  I just have to fight this as hard as I can on a daily basis.  I won't let it win.  The fight just has me tired.  I think the meds might have something to do with that too.  I wish I didn't have to be on meds and deal with side effects, but the medication is the only thing that allows me to be ME.  That is one thing I have learned.  The depression is not me, it is just something that I have to deal with, and I have to fight it so I can be me.

I Could Have Been Miram Carey....

If I could actually transfer thoughts directly into the blog when I am thinking them late at night I would write MUCH more often than I do....but my blog ideas sit in my head forever until I take the time to actually write...so hear it is!!

Postpartum Depression has changed me profoundly.  It is now a journey I have been on for nearly two years.  I look at the world differently now.  I look at other mothers differently.  When the news broke about the incident in Washington D.C. a few weeks ago about a woman with a baby in the car being shot by police because she was driving so erratically and dangerously, my first thought was that she had PPD.  Most people probably did not think this thought.   This is the different view I have of the world.  I don't think of women like Andrea Yates and Susan Smith as horrible, evil people anymore.  I wonder what they are struggling with that led them to their actions.  I don't see their actions being excused by their illness, but I empathize with their battle.


I am not a professional expert in the area of  Postpartum Depression, I only live it.  The one thing that I must make VERY clear is that there is a HUGE difference between Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Psychosis.  Every woman who experiences either experiences it differently.  For the above mentioned women there may also  have been other mental health issues involved.  So, when I say that I could have been Miriam Carey, I mean that I empathize with her situation.  I mean that any woman who has postpartum depression and does not receive treatment for it runs the possibility of that depression turning into chronic depression or postpartum psychosis.  There is always the danger that we could snap.  I believe that is what happened to Miriam Carey.  From some media reports it also seems that she may have been suffering from other mental health issues and that she was receiving some treatment...but let's face it, this is the United States of America and mental health treatment is not even close to what it should be to give people the help that they actually need.  Thankfully Miriam's child was uninjured physically...but my heart breaks that she has to grow up without her Mama.  I feel that this situation could have been avoided with proper intervention.

Miriam Carey got me thinking about Andrea Yates and Susan Smith and the terrible end that their children faced.  I remember reading the old stories and wondering how Andrea's husband could stand by the woman who killed his children.  He always said that she was sick and needed help.  Now again, I do not know the intimate details of this situation, but it seems that he was able to recognize that her deeds were not HER.    We cannot let the depression define us.  We have to separate the illness from the people that we are.

These thoughts have brought me back to many dark moments in my struggle.  My depression has been very scary at times....I think mostly because I was such an angry depressed and there were many moments that I felt like I actually COULD NOT control my actions.  And in my struggle for control I remember at times, actually thinking "I get it.  I get why some parents actually hurt their children, I understand being at that point."  Whoa, scary stuff!!  Now I have never had thoughts of harming my children, but it some of those rageful moments I remember feeling like I wouldn't care if they got hurt.  I would absolutely hate myself later, when the moment had passed. 

Why am I talking about this now?  I want people to know what it is like, how scary it is, how out of control you can feel, because I want them to love these Mamas and not judge them.  Do not judge...until you  have walked a mile in someone's shoes.

"How can a mother do that to her kids?  How can a mother harm her child?"  We all ask these questions when we read the articles on CNN or watch the news, or see the stories circulating on Facebook.  Listen...all parents have dark moments.  Parents who swore they would never spank their kids, often do in those moments.  They yell, they say awful things to their kids...they scare their kids...and sometimes, parents really hurt or even murder their children.  It happens.  We need to do everything we can to make sure it doesn't happen, but we can't expect that it never will. We need to love and support struggling parents.  This is life!!

It is only by the Grace of God, and lots of love and support from people in my life that my dark moments became something I could overcome and not get lost in.  I am STILL FIGHTING this battle.  It isn't over for me yet.  I have been doing well, and overcome many obstacles...and I am SO FAR from where I was in the beginning.  I know that I have strength and light in me.  I am surprised at the love I now have in my heart for the Miriams and Susans and Andreas out there.  The story of Miriam Carey really reinforced for me how my thinking has changed.  God's greatest commandment is that we love one another as he loved us.  It's hard to love people that do horrible things.  I just try to remind myself that God loves them as much as he loves me.


Miriam I love you!  I am sorry that things ended for you the way that they did.  I hope that you have some peace now.

Journey on Sisters....keep fighting your way to the Light.

Mesothelioma Awareness Day!

I created this blog to tell my story about my struggle with Postpartum Depression.  I wanted to raise awareness about PPD as well as provide support and encouragement to other mothers who are struggling themselves.  I have learned many things along my journey, and the most important is this:  Everybody is dealing with something, everyone has a battle (or a few) that they are facing in their lives.  We Moms have to support each other.  There is no negativity here, only understanding, empathy, love and support.  In my journey it has been other Moms that have given me the most drive and motivation to keep going forward.  We are all in this together.

That being said....I met a new friend through this blog.  Her name is Heather.  This is Heather and her family.

Heather has had her own journey away from a different kind of darkness, Mesothelioma.  This is a rare and deadly disease.  Heather has made it her mission to spread awareness about Mesothelioma in the hopes that other people won't have to fight the battle that she fought.  Tomorrow, September 26th, is Mesothelioma Awareness Day.  I am going to dedicate my Facebook Status to Heather tomorrow.  Now, she can tell her story better than I ever could, so here is the link to her blog.  Keep fighting the fight Heather, bring on the light!

http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/awareness/#.UkM1uD_czTp

That Which I Once Loved....

 I love chocolate in most forms.  Chocolate plain, chocolate with caramel, chocolate with mint....and for a very long, long time I loved chocolate with Peanut Butter.  I was never a huge plain peanut butter or nut eater, but I LOVED chocolate with Peanut Butter.  In my single years, it was a lovely companion after a hard day....in my married years it continued to be an enjoyable treat.  I often ate too much of it, especially since it was one of my husband's favorite gifts to give me.  Aaahhhh, chocolate with peanut butter....Yes, I once loved it.  Then this happened:

A few weeks before my beautiful daughter, Anne turned two, I gave her a piece of peanut butter toast for breakfast.  I left the room momentarily and heard her crying and saying that her eyes were wet.  When I came back to check on her this is what I found.  I instantly knew that my child was allergic to peanuts, but I could not even begin to understand what that meant.  I yelled for my husband and sent him running out to the store to get Benadryl.  It was a Sunday morning, and he was gone for 45 minutes.   In his panic he forgot his phone when he left and then forgot what he was supposed to get.  He called me from a Target employee's cell phone because the pharmacy was not open yet.  I remained calm and watched Anne like a hawk, something told me that she was going to be okay, this time.  Her breathing was never compromised.  I called the pediatrician, just to be sure that I was doing everything I needed to be doing.  He told me to give her Benadryl around the clock for the next three days and to go to the emergency room immediately if she showed any signs of breathing difficulties.  If I had known then, what I know now, I would have gone to the emergency room right away!  If the above ever happens to your child, Call 911-Food Allergies are not to be taken lightly.  I Thank God every day that Anne was okay when she had this reaction.  I have learned so much since then.

Our pediatrician is wonderful and my children absolutely love him, but I feel he is a bit old school in the allergy department.  He is great about everything else, which is why I decided to keep him as our pediatrician.  We saw him not long after Anne's reaction and he told us to wait until she was three to be tested for a peanut allergy.  He told us that the tests are more accurate after Age 3.  In the meantime he told us to not give Anne peanuts or peanut butter.  If I had known then, what I know now, I would have pushed for an immediate allergist referral, and I would have spent the next year being much more careful about what I fed my child.

So for a year we kept peanuts and peanut butter in the house, and I still ate my chocolate with peanut butter.  We NEVER let her eat anything with peanuts in it, but we let her eat things processed in facilities that processed peanuts or processed on shared equipment with peanuts.  We never called companies to ask about their labeling policies or if their foods were safe.  I don't think that I really understood that my child could have an Anaphylactic Reaction.  I didn't really understand that the simple ingestion of a food could kill my child!

At Anne's 3 year checkup I asked for a referral to the allergist to have a skin test done.  I remember clearly that he said "Well, you could do that, or you could just try to give her a little bit of peanut butter."  Now, I knew that was a BAD idea, and the look on my face must have told the pediatrician so.  He gave us a referral to the allergist.

We LOVE our allergist.  He is absolutely wonderful and he knows what he is doing.  I learned so much at Anne's first visit.  Her skin test gave us an instant positive result for a peanut allergy, even though the solution was diluted 10 times.  It was a little scary to see the welt form on her back so fast and so big.  I was starting to get it.  Everything started to sink in when we sat and talked to the allergist after the skin test.  I learned how lucky we were to have survived our year of ignorance without Anne having a reaction.  We were told to avoid all nuts even though she only tested positive for peanuts because of a high risk of cross contamination and a high risk of her developing a sudden allergy to another nut.  We were told to make our house a nut free zone so she could have one place where she is always safe and we don't have to worry.  We learned how to read labels and were told to avoid all products that might contain peanuts or that were processed in facilities or on shared equipment with peanuts.  We learned about Anaphylaxis.  We got a prescription for Epi-Pens and were taught how to use one.  We were told to always call 911 if she had a reaction, to never drive her to the hospital ourselves.  The reason, the Paramedics have more Epinephrine if she needs it.   It was probably one of the most overwhelming hours of my life, that appointment with the allergist.   Then we went home and did this:

 

I made an emergency kit containing her Epi-Pens, and single does Benadryls and the Epi-Pen sample pen to teach other people how to use it, plus directions how to use it and some safe snacks for Anne in case we are in a situation where there is nothing she can eat.   And then we did this:

We bought her a Medical Alert Bracelet to wear when she is not with us.  And I spent the next year learning and learning and learning.  I learn more every day, about what foods are safe, about what Anaphylactic reactions look like, about how to treat one.  I also have learned about what other families have gone through, including ones who have lost their children.

And Anne has learned how to manage her allergies.  She has learned that she can never eat any foods unless she asks Mommy or Daddy, or the designated adult say it is safe.  She is even learning to tell people about her allergy herself.  The other day we went out to dinner and she told the Server that she had a peanut allergy before we even had a chance to, I was so proud of her.

It is really hard to have a child with a life threatening food allergy.  You have to plan every detail of every outing that includes food.  You have to call the Birthday Party Mom ahead of time to find out what is being served and discuss whether it is safe or not.  You have to worry about your child being away from you, and make sure that everyone who cares for her knows about the allergy and how to treat a reaction.  You are terrified that she will have a reaction some day, and even more terrified that she will have a reaction when you aren't with her.  We have been assured by our allergist that her next reaction will be an Anaphylactic one.  That is terrifying.  I have heard stories of other people's children that have died from reactions.  I have heard stories of children who have had reactions because their parents have consumed peanuts and the children have reacted to the residue.  We don't eat peanuts or peanut butter.  I have given up that which I once loved because....

I LOVE HER MORE!!!

There has been a serious increase in food allergies in this country in the last decade or so.  It is alarming and terrifying.  We should not have to worry about children dying from food that they eat.  My family and I will be walking for "Team Anne" on September 21st for FARE Walk for Food Allergies.  We are raising money to for research and education, to keep allergic kids safe and to help find a cure.  I can't imagine a cause closer to my heart.  My prayer is that some day Anne won't have to worry about what she eats.  I pray that I don't have to explain to her what her allergy really means.  Right now, she is only four, so we tell her that she can't eat things because they aren't "safe" and they will make her sick.  We show her the picture from when she had the reaction.  I have yet to explain to her how serious it is, and that a reaction could actually kill her.  How do you explain that to your child?

Below is the link to the Team Anne Page for fundraising for the FARE walk:
http://www.foodallergywalk.org/albany/teamanne

Please consider making a donation for Anne and all the kids and adults like her so we can make the world a safer place for them.  If everyone gave just $5 it would really add up!  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.